Wellll… at least 2016 started out well. After I went on a major health kick before spring break, discovered the magic of preworkout, chisled the eff out of my abs, lost 10 pounds, and had the confidence of Kanye, circumstances in my life kind of took a sharp left at “bad” and I embarked on a downward spiral that included boozy vacations, a major breakup, a blood clot scare, having to say goodbye of my cat of 18 years, a particularly stressful first few months of the school year, and other myriad disappointments.
Downward spiral? Read that as “I drank so much wine that the people at the Pick N Save liquor department knew me by name and made sure my favorite wine was always on the shelf.” If I wrote a book about the past 5 months, it would certainly be titled “Drinks After Work: An Autobiography.”
(By the way, my favorite wine is Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc for those of you who still need gift ideas but I also accept donations of Veuve Cliquot)
It turns out that when you drink enough of anything alcoholic, you throw your healthy eating habits out the damn window. I’ve always been smart when it comes to portion sizes, but get enough cocktails in me, and hellz yeah, I can obliterate that large fry. And we all know how that goes. Cya later Beachbody… and hello to the freshman 15 that I avoided gaining all through college and even after.
I tried getting back in the gym and starting new Beachbody workout programs multiple times, but my head wasn’t in it– mostly because my heart wanted a large glass of Cab. I love the convenience of Beachbody programs because I usually work a minimum of 10 hours a day, and by the time I get home after my commute, the last thing I want to do is get ready and go to the gym and pretend I know what I’m doing. Beachbody programs are detailed and easy to follow, so you know you’re going to be seeing results pretty fast. I was the only thing standing in my way.
So after being super annoyed with myself for having to consider going up a pants size and the fact that I did not feel like a super-hot girl with a bikini-ready body who could harmonize and had perfect pitch, I decided to order the 3 Day Refresh to get my butt in gear (sorry if the Pitch Perfect reference was lost on you). I started it on a Saturday and I ended it on a Monday. Would I recommend it? Absolutely. Here’s how it goes:
8-10 oz of water upon waking
Shakeology within an hour (I got Vegan Strawberry and omg why have I been wasting my time with other flavors?)
1/2 cup of fruit (can go in the shake or on its own)
Fiber Sweep (honestly, I thought it was going to be horrible. It’s not. It’s just…. textured. It’s just psyllium husks, flax, and chia seeds with some sort of lemon flavor. It took me until the 3rd day to figure out that if you don’t immediately slam it while it’s still liquid, it will get gelatinous. Don’t doubt me, here.)
Wait an hour…
Vanilla Fresh shake. It tastes a lot like vanilla Shakeology. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t love it. I added cinnamon and ginger to it and it helped.
3/4 cup of vegetables (I ate so much broccoli I honestly feel like I’m made of it)
1 teaspoon healthy fat (olive oil, but you have lots of other options if you don’t have the palate of a 6 year old like I do)
1/2 cup of fruit
Wait an hour…
3/4 cup of vegetables (more broccoli)
1 teaspoon of healthy fats (more olive oil. I would not recommend broccoli and olive oil, but that’s just me. It might be normal.)
Wait an hour…
Vanilla Fresh shake
One option from the dinner list (which, of course, turned out to be entirely vegetables). I made lemony green beans one night which is just green beans with lemon juice on them and optional sea salt. You bet I loaded those babies up with (a reasonable amount of) sea salt. They were actually good.
So, in short…
Was there anything weird about it? You don’t get to eat dairy or meat. Or alcohol, obviously. You are constantly drinking water- at least half your weight in ounces- and you’re going to be eating or drinking something almost always. It actually got really exhausting because I’m a “mayyyyybe I’ll eat dinner today” person. I also hated being limited to certain fruits and vegetables, but I’m the pickiest eater in the entire world, so that’s my own fault. I never felt “famished” like the program said I wouldn’t, but I was hungry pretty often. It makes sense because you’re only taking in about 900 calories a day.
What did I lose? I lost a solid 2.6 pounds. Not impressive, but it’s a start. Plus, everyone with a brain knows that muscle weighs more than fat and that weight is just a number except when buying hosiery, so I try not to fixate on that number. So, yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t take any other measurements because I didn’t expect much change, but my pants are fitting better so I’ll take it.
How do I feel? Honestly, I want to want a cheeseburger. But I don’t. It could be because I just ate more broccoli, but I’m not craving anything. I feel like a healthy betch and I kind of feel like my old self.
Advice? Start on a Friday so you’re ready to kick a new week in the teeth on Monday. Plan ahead- you don’t want to realize you don’t have enough vegetables left for Saturday night.. on Saturday night. Failing to plan is planning to fail and may or may not result in you eating a bite or potentially an entire slice of pizza while babysitting. Not that that happened. No, really. I behaved except for a Dorito.
Final results? While what I lost is great and all, that’s not what is important. What matters to me is the fact that I kickstarted my healthy eating again, I’m seriously ready to see more physical results, and best of all, I saw changes in the mirror and how my clothes fit. That’s a hashtag win if I ever saw one.
Here’s to a healthier, happier 2017!